U-No-Poo, a negative response
by StormyCloudZero
Summary: After the Dark Lord hears about Fred and George Weasley's posters, he send out a team to deal with them. OneShot!


"Well would you look at the time! It's eight o clock already. I swear time flies by in this shop, Matilda!" Exclaimed George.

It was a Friday evening and Fred and George's joke shop has just closed.

"Yeah...totally not your tampered-with time turner, ." Said the employee.

"Right. Well anyway here is your pay." George quickly opened a pouch on him and counted out fifty galleons before handing them over to her.

At the payment, Matilda promptly walked over of the door. Fred had finished cleaning up the upper floor and had come down to check how much money they had made. He approached the counter and opened the cash register and grabbed all the gold, silver and bronze coins out.

"Jesus this looks like a huge amount, ."

"Great, rent is due in a week ."

The two fatigued men took a handful of coins and counted. Eventually they figured out the whole amount.

"Alright not too bad of a haul."

"How much is it altogether, ?"

"568 galleons, 87 sickles and 34 knuts." Said Fred.

But George already knew the amount from the look on Fred's face, and was ecstatic. At that same moment, the two men heard a knocking noise coming from the front door. Was it another customer?

George approached the door and swung it open, with Fred close by. Standing there was their ex-headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

"Good evening gentlemen, may I speak with both of you. Right now?"

"Sure." Said Fred.

Dumbledore waited for the men to let him in.

"Well...talk." Said George.

"Oh sorry I forgot to mention, I need to talk about this inside."

"No that won't work professor..." Said George

"You see, you might..." Said Fred

"Steal something." The twins said in unison.

"Nonsense this is a serious matter, please let me in. It's life or death."

Reluctantly the two Weasleys stood aside and let him in. Fred and George waited for Dumbledore to start speaking.

"As you knew, professor Snape is a spy for the order. At the last death eater meeting, Severus found out that Voldemort is offended by your...your..._signs _that are plastered on your windows."

"Which ones exactly." Said Fred with a grin.

"Your...'U-No-Poo signs" Said Dumbledore while cringing.

Fred and George both burst out laughing.

"He doesn't want people to know he's constipated, Fred."

"Permanently constipated!"

The men kept laughing until Dumbledore was practically shouting at them to stop.

"There's more information, see...Voldemort is sending death eaters to deal with you and they'll be here in..."

Dumbledore glanced at his wrist.

"Two hours. I've come here to offer protection against them."

"Which death eaters did he send?"

"Apparently Goyle and Avery are being sent."

At this the twins smiles grew even bigger which made Dumbledore feel uneasy.

"No I think we can handle this ourselves, professor."

"But...but" Spluttered Dumbledore still distracted by their smiles.

"Yes, we think you should be going, professor."

Dumbledore felt a warm, fuzzy feeling filling him. A voice in the back of his head started speaking.

_Go...go home. _

Dumbledore got up and walked out the front door before disappearing.

"George are you thinking..."

"What I'm thinking? Yes, yes I am!"

The hours passed while Fred and George got ready for the death eaters. Oh boy would they be getting a surprise. The joke shop was completely dark and two ginger men were crouching on the second floor of the shop. They were watching the entrance for the visitors that they were going to receive.

A quiet 'alohamora' was heard and the door swung open, quietly.

"Careful Goyle, they probably are ready for us." Said one of the death eaters.

"They're only like fifteen or somethin' we'll be fine. I got an acceptable in charms. Don't worry." Said Goyle.

Goyle walked into the shop and felt a bucket fall on top of his head.

"Ahhhh my eyes! Avery help!" He shouted.

Avery grabbed the bucket and threw it off of him. Goyle was covered in a pink liquid.

"What is that? It smells like...lavenders and...the three broomsticks." Said Avery

Fred and George tried their best to hide their giggles.

Goyle got up and seen something. Avery followed his gaze and saw some edible dark marks, which glowed in the dark. Goyle walked slowly towards them, a weird hunger in his eyes.

"Wait...was that a love potion?" Said Avery

However Goyle wasn't listening, who now was making out with one of the dark mark sweets.

"Damn it, Goyle get up! Quick they are going to attack us soon!" Shouted Avery.

Goyle continued covering the dark marks in his saliva. Avery attempted to lift the man up but couldn't due to his weight.

"Come on Goyle! Stop eating!'

"Fine I'll get those two boys myself!" Shouted Avery.

Avery started walking up the stairs when he felt his mouth forced open and filled up with a weird sweet.

Avery tried to shout but couldn't. He tried to move and felt a pain in his tongue. He looked down and seen that it was growing at an incredible speed.

"Ugh... !" Cried Avery.

Goyle had finished eating all the sweets and spun around. Panic filled his face and he ran over to help Avery.

He grabbed his tongue which exploded on his touch sending the two men flying down to the first floor. Avery colliding with something that ripped his left sleeve off.

"Ughh.." Moaned Avery in pain.

Goyle looked up at Avery's mouth. His tongue looked perfectly normal. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his mouth again which seemed normal. Goyle then felt his gaze slipped downwards to Avery's left arm.

"Goyle...what are you.. Goyle..NO GOYLE STOP!" Screamed Avery.

Seeing Goyle slurping and kissing Avery's arm made Fred and George fall over due to their laughter, breaking their noise barriers while at it. However they weren't heard over Avery's cries for help. At that moment, the door swung open again revealing two security guards from The Leaky Cauldron.

"Excuse me can you keep it down a...wait what the... DEATH EATERS?"

"Call the ministry quick!"

Upon hearing this the two death eaters ran out of the shop and into KnockTurn Alley. With a guard following them.

"What's going on, sir?" Said Fred

The two gingers walked down the stairs and were wearing pyjamas.

"Do you know those men?"

"What men?" Said the twins

The remaining guard looked at them bewildered.

"It seems that you had a break-in."

"Ah well." Said George.

"We're used to it by now." Said Fred.

"Just the other day the Hogwarts' headmaster.." Started George.

"Albums Dumblesdoors tried to break in!"

"Of course we stopped the criminal."

"But we never expected his friends to show up!"

The security guard just looked at them wildly and waiting for the ministry to arrive. Surely the ministry would help...right?


End file.
